I Hear:
As Kaysen goes through her experience of being in a metal institute for two years the reader can see an almost atypical way in the telling of her story. Instead of telling the read that she was or was not sick, she seems to play around with the idea, never really come to a conclusion. During her reflection of this time in her life, she also likes to incorporate what others thought of her as well. What she looked like to the outside world and how she was marked because she was in this hospital at one part of her life. I would like the discuses Kaysen’s interact with people when she left the hospital and who people reacted to the idea of a metal hospital and there idea of her.
I Notice:
It is not completely clear in the novel if Kaysen thought herself to be sick. At some moments she can relate to the definition of her disease, while other aspects seem completely wrong. This has no meaning in the real world though. She was in a metal hospital and it does not matter that she could have been falsely diagnosed, she lived there, that makes her different. One thing I found interesting was one of the documents that’s was written six years after her being released from the hospital allowing her to get a drivers license. Or when she had her job interview:
“What were we, that they could know us so quickly?” (124)
This is what Kaysen wrote about the man how gave her the job interview.
These experiences combined with Kaysen’s own way of interoperating her disorder work together. For example, although it may seem that Kaysen is trying to work through with herself if she has a disorder, for instance, when she adds the definition of borderline personality disorder to her story and they ways she tries to relate the definition to her own life. Seeing if what she did added up with what borderline personality was.
What I find interesting is that the answer to the big question, “Is Kaysen crazy?” really does not matter. Once she told someone or if they found out she was in the hospital she was crazy instantly, no questions asked. The day she walked in and the day she left, two years later define her life no matter what.
I just found it interesting that Kaysen was given a chance to say she was not crazy and defend herself in this book, but she does not do this.
She was able to produce this through her incorporation of documents and her own personal experiences in life after the hospital. When she left the parallel universe with a stamp on her fore head.
I Wonder:
I would like to know if Kaysen really thinks she was sick or is still sick? Although I do not think that there is an answer to this. I would also like to know more about her thoughts of being “stamped” for life, for example, the driver’s license. Does it even bother her anymore? If she did not tell people about this experience because it changed the way they thought about her, why did she write the book? Was it a way to show them that she might not be crazy?
